Effectiveness

This is by far the most important qualifier of a worthwhile purchase, for me (hence why I put it up top). Does this lip balm actually work? Do my lips feel hydrated and moisturized after application? Do they stay that way for at least an hour or more? How often do I need to reapply? Does the tint noticeably (and attractively) color my lips? If it makes a bunch of promises on the sales pitch, does it actually deliver? (This’ll come back into play in Value, below).

Taste/Smell

I know; lip balm is not intended to be ingested. But let’s be honest–sometimes, it’s tempting, and other times, it’s physically impossible not to. If the formula is a liquid, you’ll likely be left with residue that will need to be licked off. If the package it comes in is either a tin or a tube that necessitates finger application, you know not all of that is going to land within the lip liner bounds. Personally, I simply do not have that kind of finger dexterity. What do I look like to you — a Q-tip?? I refuse to apologize for my balm sampling proclivities.

Moreover, a balm either needs to taste GREAT or taste like nothing at all. (Author’s note: I originally had “taste” and “smell” as two separate parameters but recently realized that this was nonsensical.)

Texture

How it took me two years into my blog to add this category is truly beyond me. Texture, for me, can make or break a lip balm. A texture is often paramount to determining the effectiveness of the balm and, therefore, also the value. Is it goopy? Me no likey. But is it waxy? Me also no likey. Is it silky smooth and leaves you wanting more? Perfect.

(It’s important to never settle.)

(Disclaimer: You’ll notice that balms reviewed prior to March 2022 don’t have this category. Feel free to infer from the review or drop me a line!)

Packaging

The baseline, for me, is that the packaging not get in the way of application. That gets a 4. (I like to think I’m an optimist.) But, for example, is the tube so hard to open that I don’t even bother? If it’s a liquid or a semisolid formula, does the tube gratuitously portion out so much formula that you have to try to stuff a bunch back in after use? That’s a 3. But to get a 5, the packaging needs to be the right match for the formula inside. If it’s a standard formula that gets the job done in a pinch, basic presentation if just fine. If it’s luxe lipwear that makes you feel like a superstar, it should come in an equally-couture casing. It’s important that all elements present the same cohesive story. (If the lip balm is trash and the tube is pretty, though, that’ll still get a 5. I have my biases.)

Value

The summation of all of the above. This is my final verdict on whether or not a particular lip balm merits your money. Whether it be $5 or $50, the investment needs to match up to the return. If it’s $5 but is functionally average, that gets a 4. If it’s $10 and works great but doesn’t bring me joy to use, that gets a 4. If it’s $30 but works like a dream and makes me want to be buried with it clutched in my fist, smiling at it in while in a forever sleep, that’s a definite 5.

Also important: does the product deliver on what it says it’ll do? Did it promise to make my lips plumper, and does it? Did the tint actually adjust to my natural PH? Do my lips taste minty fresh? If not…automatic points off for the paired sins of over-promising and under-delivering.